LAWYER, male, any lawyer-ly age. PRISONER, male, probably any age. THREE MEMBERS OF THE PAROLE BOARD, any age/gender.
Act I A waiting room. The Prisoner is seated and his Lawyer is standing. There could be a table here.
LAWYER For the eighth time, I'll be representing you at this parole hearing. Honestly, though, I don't think it's gonna happen.
PRISONER But I've had so much good behavior since my last parole hearing.
LAWYER It's what's happens between your stretches of good behavior that concerns me.
PRISONER Such as?
LAWYER Well, like, the stabbing.
PRISONER (curious) Which one?
LAWYER Your cellmate.
PRISONER Which one?
LAWYER The one you stabbed this morning. In the eye.
PRISONER Oh. Self-defense.
LAWYER You tied him up while he was sleeping, and announced loud enough for the whole prison to hear: "I hear a voice in my head telling me to stab my other cellmate in the eye.”
(During the quote, the Prisoner stands up and lip-synchs “I hear a voice in my head…”)
PRISONER With his violent past, it was a matter of time before he tried to kill me!
LAWYER (calmly) He's in jail for shoplifting mittens. You're in jail for stabbing people in the eye. In the recreation room, you stabbed a fellow inmate in the eye while playing chess.
PRISONER (making a stabbing motion on "rook") Bishop takes rook. Hello?
LAWYER And on visiting day, you stabbed your own brother in the eye.
PRISONER That's not true. He's my half-brother.
LAWYER Now he's half-blind. You have no compassion!
PRISONER That's unfair. I once found a bird with a broken wing in the prison yard and I nursed it back to health.
LAWYER (surprised) Really? And you didn't stab it in the eye?
PRISONER Oh, I stabbed it in the eye.
LAWYER They are not going to release you if they think anyone you meet is going to get stabbed in the eye.
PRISONER Hmm. Well, I haven't stabbed you in the eye.
LAWYER True.
PRISONER Can I borrow your pen?
LAWYER No. What am I supposed to tell the parole board?
PRISONER I can say I lost the thrill of stabbing people in the eye.
LAWYER (interested) Go on...
PRISONER From now on, I'm just gonna poke people in the eye.
LAWYER No.
PRISONER I could stab somewhere else...
LAWYER No!
PRISONER Okay, then I got nothing.
LAWYER I don't why I even ask you. I'll just beg for mercy, as always.
(Three MEMBERS OF THE PAROLE BOARD enter. Two are wearing an eye patch. One is wearing two eye-patches. They see (as best they can) who the prisoner is and before they even sit down they say:)